Trek
Last night, all I wanted to do was get buzzed, play some WOW and just chill out; however, due to lack of friends and money and alcohol, I had quite a different night—I drank a fuzzy navel and watched Star Trek II: Wrath of Khan with my parents.
According to Robin, I lost no less than 300 awesome points: -100 for drinking with parents and -200 for watching Star Trek on a Saturday night. I never knew I was being graded on these things.
I have been a bit more down since Ashley has been at Bonaroo, since I’ve no real hangin’ out friends in town. The past few summers have felt like this—like my home feels more like a strange summer-camp than the place I grew up. It’s weird, but in a way, it feels good. Well, it felt good.
Ashley always said that she liked me more when I was at home, because I was sweeter, nicer and more willing to spend days and days with her. I hate that she equates away from college with me being a good person, but I can’t really blame her. At college, I found people who really liked me, and I really liked the attention; however, Ashley just hung out with me and never really found a clique. So, the more I hung out with my friends, the more I alienated her, hurt her feelings and generally acted like a jerk to her.
After the movie, I stayed up and played some games, but I never really got into them. I wound up talking with a friend on AIM for an hour, and she made me feel better; although, she basically said the same stuff Robin did, but with less bluntness. I realize that the best way to work this out is to let it out, to get out of the house, to do something. My only problem is, I drive to work every day with Ashley, and I just can’t let myself be a jerk to her still.
At any rate, I really liked the movie. It was pretty good, and I’m excited to watch Search for Spock when it gets downloaded.
voh says:
I blame my bluntness on the amount of beer I'd had by the time I was talking to you (mind you, while it was tennish in your part of the world, it was 6 in the effin' morning where I am) after a LOOOONG night out on the town :)
But I do hope I made some sense regardless (too lazy to look through the logs to see what I said, don't remember much of that either). But it sounds like I made sense if you took "get on with your life" out of it.
You don't have to be an ass to Ashley to live your life. But I do agree that the fact that you guys are still sharing so many moments a week is awkward and doesn't really help the healing process.
I assume you still want to be friends with Ashley as well as possible?
Zachary Lewis says:
Of course I want to be friends with her. If I could, I'd still be with her.
I just don't know how to proceed with all this stuff. :(
voh says:
Best advice in your current situation would be to find an alternative way of getting either of you to work, so you wouldn't travel together. Mostly because to remain friends, you (being whoever's involved, so either you yourself or Ashley) need time to find peace with the situation and to give it a place so your heart doesn't explode once you see the other.
Because as long as the heartburn is fresh, the emotions previously shared, the memories, all that stuff that's so awesome yet shit, as long as that's all there being 'just friends' is near impossible because you're also exes. And being friends with an ex means having to let go of any hope of getting back together with said ex (either that or remaining romantical emotions and/or thoughts).
And as a disclaimer: The above is not fact, but rather an opinion formed by experience with the phenomenon. The author of this post is now quite good friends with two of his exes, and would have it no other way.
tonya says:
you know you need to have a trip down to k-town to see me and trevor..
we keep you laughfing for sure.
grinning....
i know its hard to let some one go and stay friends. it can be done.. but some time.. habits of feelings are hard to break.. time away is the best way to do it. and writing and the occasional good drink... fuzzy navel is so not the choice.. ***red headed slut drink*** is :0)
hugs
Fairings says:
At least you can say you spent time with family. many of us at times wish we could do that.