Talk

Avoidance is a skill I’ve been honing for the past few years. Not by necessity of course—I’ve always been able to speak my mind with startling clarity. Something in me just yearned for those awkward silences, smooth doubletalk and excessive topic twisting that allows me to break free from whatever bonds a conversation or argument may have me in. Although a well placed, “ROFL! Butts!” is an amazing smoke-screen, providing the perfect cover to escape from any conversation unscathed, my motives always ask for a little something more eloquent.

It’s the same lack of communication that’s gotten me into the mess I’m in now. Although I want to express how I truly feel inside, something is grabbing me, holding me back and slapping me upside the face, twisting my “I want you to know that I want to work through this,” into “Gee, you sure have nice boobs. Want to watch funny cat videos?”

Sometimes she wants to watch funny cat videos, but never when I ask her. She watches funny cat videos when she damn well pleases. That’s one of the reasons she is so beautiful to me—because I can’t control her.

I’ve repressed the desire to talk to people earnestly for so long under the pretense of keeping them happy that I’m actually shocked that people like it when I lose it, telling them exactly what I don’t like, or what I’m sick of, or how that shirt makes their face look stupid.

Last week on The Office (Thursdays on CBS at 7:30CST), Pam decided to speak her mind and tell people the truth about how she really felt. She was basically getting stepped on by her boyfriend and everyone else who thought of her as a pushover. This caused hilarity to ensue on the program, but it doesn’t work the same way in real life. It actually changes people, changes relationships. I’m not going to always speak my mind, but from here on, I’m going to try my hardest.