Affair

Last night, I fell asleep with my girlfriend, Elizabeth, safely and comfortably in my arms. We slept soundly, and neither she nor I stirred until my alarm clock hissed loud static into the muggy room, slapping both of us out of a tired stupor. I shut the alarm off and went back to sleep. I would sleep through the first ten minutes of my first class, but that wasn’t what really upset me about that extra thirty minutes of restful coma.

I fell asleep quickly after the alarm was silenced. Within minutes, I was wrapped in a dream that I remembered to be so bright and vivid, although I couldn’t remember much else. I remember an older woman, probably mid thirties, who was all over me. I was at a park or a beach with my family, and this lady and I fell for each other. It wasn’t love at first sight at all—it was a primal instinct to have this woman, and she exuded this hot, thick lovestink. I told my parents that I had to go and they asked me if it was for Elizabeth. I told them, “Yes,” then met up with this new woman in the parking lot.

We drove through what seemed to be a mall, and we finally arrived at a large club. We walked in, and it seemed to be a bar, but I followed her back through a small door, and it revealed a little apartment complex. I went into her room, and she closed the door behind us. I didn’t want to have a meaningful relationship with her, I just wanted to fuck her. The only thing on either of our minds was rough, dirty, passionate sex. We stripped and started kissing. I felt sick to be doing this, because I knew it was completely wrong and not me.

Soon, someone came in her apartment and started talking to her. She was able to get him to leave, but shortly after we resumed foreplay her roommate entered and began explaining her horrible day. She apologized and told me that this just wasn’t going to work out. She showed me out of her room, and I woke up with an angel in my arms. I hugged her close, told her I loved her and went to class.

I was stuck wondering why I had such a vile dream. I knew I wasn’t starved for attention, sexual or otherwise, and I knew that I didn’t have anyone in mind for the nameless temptress to symbolize. Perhaps the strangest realization I had was, given the perfect scenario, “Why couldn’t I please the stranger?” Was this dream a subconscious attempt to tell me that I can’t please anyone sexually, or was the sex itself a metaphor for relationships in general? After that series of self-inflicted defeats, I still wonder why I would have such a dream, and what such a dream means for the future of my relationship.