As of late, I’ve felt like I’ve crossed a threshold, crossed into the land of the living, and really started to live a life I never knew I had. As I’ve been exploring this strange, new world, I’ve noticed many common beliefs and ideas upheld by the majority of the populace, and I can’t help but feel a touch awkward, worried that one of them might choose, at any moment, to question my faith. I’ve never really put into words how I feel about the subject of religion—mine in particular—and this is my first attempt to pin down the flighty phantoms that are my faith.
I understand that, to some, the following words will have you muttering, “This kid has no clue how I feel,” or, “that isn’t what I believe at all!” Many parts are broad generalizations that can’t, unfortunately, cover every single reader’s exact beliefs. If you are offended easily by the beliefs of others, feel free not to read the following text. If you are so inclined to comment, understand that you should read the text in its entirety and know that this isn’t a place to evangelize, but a place to critique and question my writing and thoughts.
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I’ve been thousands of different places, and they all have a special place in my memory. Some, like trips to the cold doctor’s office when I was a little boy still instill fear and panic when I see them, and others, like the location of my first kiss, force a smile to creak and crack my sullen pout regardless of my glum demeanor. It never occurred to me that these places didn’t have to exist for them to impact me.
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I woke with a start, soaked in the sweat of an inexplicable worry for Ashley ushered forth by a sound so uniquely identifiable yet utterly absent from this hot, festering summer—a rainstorm. My head was heavy and spinning as a lifted it up to first glance at the morning’s first light, camouflaged by millions of droplets, then at the clock past the foot of my bed, glaring a cranky “5:02AM” back at me.
“It’s 5:02AM. Ashley is safe in bed.” The words came from somewhere in the back of my head, and triggered a sudden self-realization that seemed to push a rainstorm of tears out with it, mimicking the scene out my window with startling accuracy.
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As I drive back and forth to work, I often notice single trees on hillsides and hilltops, not a part of the tree line proper, or even anywhere close to another tree, and I can’t help but feel for the poor, isolated deciduous.
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The following is an actual entry in my off-line journal. I’ve been spending a lot of time and ink on tracking my thoughts and feelings via a more tangible medium, and I want to share this entry with you, my reader.
Last night, I had a huge emotional breakdown. As soon as I got home from work, I checked my messages—both from Ashley—and called Her back. We talked for the better part of an hour, and I came to a conclusion: I won’t be happy for a while.
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Humor can tie people together more quickly and more unforgettably than any other medium, creating stories and memories in less time than it takes to smile.
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